Go Robot, Go! Associated Press Page

Go Robot, Go! AP Articles

AP: MUSSOLINI, TX - There was a near riot Wednesday afternoon in a Walmart located in the central business district of downtown Mussolini, TX when several patrons had reported seeing Jesus Christ shopping in the home appliance section. After a half-hour of confusion and what was described by several witnesses as general mayhem, the riot squad of the Mussolini Police Department were able to restore order. "There were approximately one thousand people who stormed into the store over a ten minute span" stated Captain Victor Hernandez, "seven people were hospitalized and over two dozen were treated on the scene". Though the MPD had not issued a formal statement at press time, investigators stated that the episode was apparently a case of mistaken identity. "Several patrons mistook a Mr. Neal Havener as Jesus Christ and subsequently loudly vocalized it which caused a chain reaction culminating in the commotion" stated a department official. It was later confirmed that the Neal Havener, cited in the police report, is the singer for the rock group Go Robot, Go!, which was in town playing a concert at the Lone Star Beer Psychedelic Rodeo. "Neal is a little shook up but okay, he will be able to continue on the tour", stated band officials, "we want to stress that any resemblance of Jesus Christ to Neal is purely coincidental". An ironic twist to the incident is that Go Robot, Go!'s latest album was banned from many major retailers earlier this year due to alleged satanic references in the hit single "Groovy Thing".

AP: COLUMBUS, OH - Herman "Whiteface" Jackson, a percussionist and performance artist who was currently on tour with the rock band Go Robot, Go!, was found dead in a room at the Manhattan Super 8 Motel early Sunday morning at approximately 4:30 a.m. The unofficial cause of death is a coronary failure brought about by a toxic reaction. Though the details are sketchy an unofficial police source stated that the Mr. Jackson and the drummer of Go Robot, Go!, Jim Swanson, were ingesting a potent combination of Pez and an unknown Pepsi product which caused the toxic reaction. A 911 operator apparently took a call at 3:45 a.m. from Mr. Swanson where he stated "that dude is dead". Later Sunday morning the entire band, who was in town for the annual Snap, Crackle and Rock Festival, was taken to Manhattan Police headquarters for questioning. All but Mr. Swanson were released free on their own recognizance but were asked to remain in town. Mr. Swanson was detained for further questioning. No further official details were available at press time, however, it is believed that Mr. Swanson, who has a well documented history of the abuse of Pez and other substances classified as soft candies, provided the Pez to Mr. Jackson. A spokesman for the band stated "It is only alleged that Pez was used and that it was the actual cause of death and until the police are done with their investigation we have no comment". Herman Jackson was best known for his avant garde work as a performance mockist (mime). He was hired by Go Robot, Go! to play percussion and also perform to the songs. Go Robot, Go! stated that they are currently canceling the next month of their tour which includes dates in Pawtucket, NC, North Brackett, MA and Big Cheese, WI. "Whiteface was a great mime and an exceptional Gildo player" stated band officials. The band has no immediate replacement prospects due to the obscure use of the Gildo, a traditional Mongolian percussion instrument. "Mimes are rather plentiful these days, but a good Gildo player is hard to find". This tragedy comes after a series of set backs experienced by Go Robot, Go!, including the purported satanic messages in the hit single "Groovy Thing".

AP: LOS FAJITAS, CA - The rock band Go Robot, Go! is immersed in a controversy once again, this time over the unfinished video for their latest single "Six Monkey Trampoline". Animal rights activist have filed documents in the Los Fajitas court system in an attempt to stop further production citing cruelty to animals and adult endangerment. William Yatzi, spokesman for the militant animal rights group AUP (Animals are Unevolved People), released a statement to the press detailing the alleged criminal acts which included teaching monkeys to spank each other while performing acrobatics on a trampoline and other bungee devices. "Teaching monkeys to beat each other for the sake of entertainment is deplorable and will not be tolerated" were the words echoed at the press release. "Six monkeys on trampoline spanking each other is not only in terrible taste, but illegal, and the people are fighting back" said Carol Cauldron assistant DA of Los Fajitas County. The Columbus, OH based rock quartet who were in California for the filming of the video were quoted as saying they did not understand the excitement the video created, "What's wrong with being sexy" said Josh Lowe the groups guitarist. "The band is making an artistic statement, several bands have made videos this year with other animals hitting each other and did not receive such public dismay, so I don't understand the distinction with monkeys spanking" said Bryan Huber the director of the video, "The monkeys seem to really enjoy it". Go Robot, Go! would not state whether or not they would attempt to finish the video. MTV has already planned a news special to air next week regarding the controversy.

AP: COLUMBUS, OH - The rock group Go Robot, Go! lent their name and time to a weekend long charity event, "Drinking Binge for Tibetan Monks". Several industry insiders were critical of the event stating that the band is using charity as a vehicle to allay the recent negative publicity surrounding their latest recording "Jesus on Stage, Where?". Several major retailers have pulled the album from the shelves citing that it contains both homophobic and satanic material. Band officials stated in a press conference, "The band is truly concerned about the preservation of the Tibetan religious ideals and the media should not attempt to diminish the spirit of the event in order to sling mud and sell papers". "The guys in the band have always been concerned about those dudes (monks), we even went to Tibetan last year on the way to (ex.) Canada" stated Jim Scott, Go Robot, Go!'s lead road technician. The members of the four piece band had no comments during the binge regarding the controversy and were unusually guarded towards the press stating "We (ex.) just want to give all (ex.) of (ex.) our energy to the binge and not get caught (ex.) up in all of the media (ex.)". Event officials declared success Sunday night after participants had passed the "eight sheets" mark.

AP: COLUMBUS, OH - The rock group Go Robot, Go! is in the news once again with a controversy. After the near fatal incident that left 27 year old guitarist Josh "The Lint Remover" Lowe up for four days, three fans injured, and a ferret alive but hairless, Go Robot, Go! has endorsed the formation of NAARCOSIS (National Association of Artist Recovering from Caffeine and Other Stimulating Ingestive Substance). The incident occurred at a concert in Big Butte, AZ on Wednesday night when three fans apparently fell into a daze after performing a frantic version of the Lint Remover dance, Mr. Lowe's trademark. The frantic pace was reportedly induced by Mr. Lowe ingesting five large cafe au caramels, a gourmet coffee based drink. The fans were treated at a local hospital and released later in the evening. Critics of the band cited the formation of NAARCOSIS as a veil to diminish the effect of the deplorable behavior. "Go Robot, Go! and all rock musicians have a responsibility to clean up there act and stop the glamorization of the abusive life styles" said Willy Dinker president of the behavioral advocate group, Helping the People. "This is an unfortunate accident. Go Robot, Go! in no way encourages the abuse of gourmet coffee" stated band officials. It is still not apparent as to how the ferret was involved in the incident.

AP: COLUMBUS, OH - The rock group Go Robot, Go! has made headlines once again during there controversy laden American tour as the 27 year old bass player Dave Cribbs has missed the last five shows apparently suffering from laryngitis. The band has played the shows without a bass player, including an appearance on Plugged, a popular cable access show. It was reported that Mr. Cribbs was in the audience at that particular show eating salted cracker snacks and boisterously applauding. Band officials stated that Mr. Cribbs was indeed under the weather during that show but would not further elaborate on the other absences stating "Go Robot, Go!'s priority is to fulfill its' commitments in the best manner possible." The band employed sampled tracks to address the musical needs and a manikin on a bungee apparatus to address the visual aspects. Fans were quoted on MTV as being extremely receptive to the manikin. "That new dude totally rocks dude" was enthusiastically shouted to MTV news people covering the Little Horn, ND show. The story took a more bizarre turn when reporters caught up to Mr. Cribbs in Columbus, OH where he had reportedly just purchased a home. Apparently Mr. Cribbs told reporters he was in need of a super model for his new home which had contributed to the absences. "I had me sore throat you know and needed me a super model for me home" stated Mr. Cribbs. "I love me American fans. They're great, absolutely great." It is not known why Mr. Cribbs needed the super model or why he was quoted in an English accent.

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